A visitor once asked, "Does it ever rain in Texas?"

A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"

The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood."

"Well," the rancher puffed up, "We got about two and a half inches of that."


"It's been so dry that we got catfish in the creek three years old that haven't learned to swim yet."

"Moisture once got so scarce in southwest Texas they had to put stamps on letters with paperclips."



Carpetbagger:  "Is it going to rain?"
Texan: "Nobody predicts the weather in Texas but fools and newcomers."

Two thirsty cowboys came to a water hole.  When the horses waded in for a drink, they stirred up lots of mud.  One cowboy threw himself down between the horses and began to drink. The other, moving to the far side, asked the first one why he didn't come around and drink where it was clear.
"Don't make no difference," drawled the first one when he came up for a breath.  "I aim to drink it all anyway."



"Saw a dog chasing a jackrabbit out in West Texas one day and it was so hot they both were walking."

Tell a West Texan that it's a pretty, sunshiny day and you're liable to get the comment, "Yep, and it won't take many more like it to ruin us."


West Texas deserts are so poor that crows have to carry their own rations with them when they crow-fly over it.

Visitor in the Panhandle: "Does the wind always blow this way?"
"No," replied his host, "sometimes it blows the other way."

"The old farmer had spent too much time swapping yarns with his cronies on the courthouse lawn.  The day was a scorcher but he had to hurry home to get the chores done before dark.  He was keeping his team at a dead run when one of his mules collapsed.  He died of sunstroke.  Before he could take the harness off, a Blue Norther came howling in and the other mule froze to death."