Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his
first visit to a    big-city church.

"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.

"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.

"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.

"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.

"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.

"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.

"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.

"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.

"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.

"Pew," Charlie retorted.

"Yeah," recalled Joe.  "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."



You might be in a Texas church if.....
 1. The doors are never locked.
 2. The call to worship is "Ya'll come on in!"
 3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
 4. The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
 5. A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."
 6. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves".
 7. Never in its 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
 8. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
 9. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
10. The church directory doesn't have last names.
11. The pastor wears boots.
12. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
13. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.
14. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
15. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
16. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
17. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
18. High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot in the back of pickups to howling.
19. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
20. It's not Heaven but you can see Heaven from here.
21. The final words of
the benediction are, "Ya'll come on back now, ya hear!"